||[May. 22nd, 2005|12:18 am]
|||||Hurt, Overwhelmed, Frustrated||]|
|||||Mozart Requiem Mass||]|
I just saw an amazing motzart concert. We heard the Requiem Mass. it was so amaizng. i love going to concerts to listen to musci more then i like cds. YOu can get so much more into the music, and it is so much more intense. There is such an energy about concerts that i dont get from anything else. Question for someone. DOes anyone (Mainly someone who is catholic and goes to mass) know how much of the Requiem is from the mass and how much is for the music? (The only person who is catholic I know of who reads my journal is Chrissy...she doesnt go to mass... Chrissy...do you know?) I am definatly going to start to see concerts agian. I just wish that they just werent so expensive!
I am getting very upset about conversations with Heidi. I just can never seem to say anyhting right anymore. i so desperatly want to have her know how much I love her. I try to be mindful of what I say but apparently I tend to repeat myslef and repeat questions. Though I try so hard not to, itis frustrating becasue I am not knowing when i am repeating myslef. It is not like i am not listening, because I will know the answer when she says it, but I will have forgotten taht I already know the information that I ask for. I recently got off the phone with her and started to tear up becasue I am so upest and frustrated. She is so unhappy and i cant seem to help. I seem to make things worse. I pride mylsef in helping people feel better, or distracting them, but it just seems futile with Heidi. I so deperatly want to hear her smile when I call. I so deperatly want to know that she likes to hear form me. i dont want to be wasting my energy if i know it isnt appreiciated. Is it her being upset and taking things out on me, is it me not relizing and remembering what I have said or not said. WHat is it? I would love to know. I HATE the way our converations go, and isnt lack of trying. She says that i ma trying too hard. But what am I sopposed to do when the woman that I love more than anything is so unahppy. Am I really so much of a failure at being a grilfriend? *Beats head against brick wall*
I rode my bike again today, and again my shoulder hurts so much. It has been 7 months since I broke it and WHY isnt it better yet. ERRGG. Who would know that falling off a curb would have repercussions 7 months later. Yes ok, you can laugh at me....I fell off a curb.